it's such a tired game, will it ever stop?

Um, I think I've been struggling with things today. It's only really just become apparent though. I think. I'm unsure. At lunch I had a panic attack about work and how slow things were coming along and the fact that I really don't have long to deliver what I have promised to myself.

Things are so hard. I try not to be selfish but it inevitably happens. On Tuesday Jim arrives for 2 days - the first time I have seen him in a month, and a long time before I will see him again. And I know someone might need me, yet I find myself feeling like I might, in the next few days, refuse to do something when they need it done whilst they deal with a difficult situation. I don't know why I'm like this, I really don't. But I just feel like the world is so unfair to me sometimes. But give me 12 hours after a request like I'm expecting and I know I'll be willing to do it. Why do I always need this time? It seems I always have to have my grumpy moment before I acquiesce, and acquiesce I always do.

I am writing this by candle light. I have done all of my works in my bedroom by candle light over the past few evenings. I really do wonder why. It almost feels as if it's some kind of nod to the poor of the world, those who can't afford electricity, those who have to work through the night. But how pretentious is that? Seriously? I need to get over myself. I need to work out what's going on in my head. Because I really just don't know...

there's nothing you can't do

Hmm.

Rugby was well good, I enjoyed it. Had a carvery (which was apparently "really good, quality food" according to my host.. ha.) and they had a tab at the bar which is always nice :] Then we went down to our seats to watch the game... we were 6 rows back on the 22m line, and had a really good view, tho i prefer to be higher up normally...

Anyhoo, we played the Worcestor Warriors, who played REALLY badly. They got sent out onto the pitch at half time cuz they sucked lol. Not that Gloucester did much better.. however, we won 17 - 5, and they only got that 5 in the last 5 mins! Woot.

Our host, Karen, got to award the Man of The Match trophy, so we stayed around in the Cathedral View Bar for that.. Freddie Burns won, which we'd all agreed he should anyway, poor guy injured himself after getting us some good points :[

So yes, that was my day. Aislinn and Rhiannon agreed to work last night which was awesome, I totally owe them one <3 I had a really relaxed evening chilling out watching TV, making my blanket and sleeping. Yum. I have missed those times.

Today I feel like making things, and I'm off to take Barns for a walk in the forest again later, so I'd better crack on :]
xxx

so you’re standing on the edge, and it looks like you might fall

Oh. My. God.

What a fucking day.

Sarah = new girl = awesome. Very impressed. Only have to tell her something once and she'll do it perfectly. Tidies up after herself. Watches well so she doesn't have to be told everything. Very good indeed.

However. With the good comes the crap. I was given tickets to the rugby for tomorrow. I WAS originally supposed to be working all day, but as I got the tickets, obviously that changed. David was going to do FoH and Stew was going to chef. But Stre broke two vertebrae yesterday and won't be back for 4 days. So David has to chef. And who's going to do FoH? Hmm. That would be me.

You heard it. I'm going to the rugby SOBER. It is unheard of.

But this isn't really what has annoyed me. It's more the fact that no one is willing to help me out.

I have to go into work in the morning because David is in a meeting, so I need to open up. That would be fine on its own. Then I go to the rugby for 12.30 for lunch, kick off at 3pm. And then I go to work for the evening shift. What has annoyed the hell out of me is that NO ONE is willing to go into work for 2 or 3 hours in the evening to help out and serve before going to their parties, because, well.. everyone seems to have a party to go to tomorrow night. So instead of me being able to have my fun all day, I get to have no fun. And all of my fucking staff are being selfish themselves and not even giving up a couple of hours before they go out (because who the hell will be going out before 10pm anyway?). It wouldn't even delay their fun. They'd be fine. But no. I get to miss out entirely.

They're fucked if they ever need help off me, I tell ya.

All this working all day and having no time off is killing me, I swear. I've done 12 hours today. I must be back in 11. I'd love a break. I can't wait for Stew to be back properly. Bring it on.

I'll be back when I've calmed down :]

must... sleep...

cant... go... on...

ugh.

I got too much life running through my veins

My stomach stopped hurting. Now my arm hurts. I've had my Hep A and Tyhpoid vaccinations. She wanted to do it in two seperate ones, but I made sure she knew how much I'd be hating it if she did, so she managed to find one that was mixed. She was rather reluctant. Why wouldn't she offer that one in the first place? Surely it's easier. Perhaps it's more expensive. Oh well.

I was meant to be working tonight but have given my shift up to Tasha as I wanted to make sure I'd be okay to work all day tomorrow, what with my gammy knee/ twinged wrist / jab arm. So woot.

Have been finding out more info about my travels; cheaper flights, international driving licences etc. Now I need to find out laws about renting cars in Aus and USA. Thrilling times!!

Someone did something for me the other day which I needed for work, and it made them feel uncomfortable. This has confused me, to be honest. Why do people do things they don't feel comfortable doing? I certainly wouldn't if I really didn't have to, and I definately wouldn't have made him if he felt so bad about it. It's really concerned me. Why didn't he tell me how he felt instead of doing it? Hmm. Not good.

I have a few things I wish to get done tonight but I won't put it on here yet because, well... I'll probably fail in my tasks haha. Let's see...

letting love find a way...

Oh dear God, I am seriously scared right now haha. My stomach hurts. I think it's a mixture of mini eggs and fear. I hate vaccinations. I don't like the idea of something being put into my arm that shouldn't be there, it makes me feel dizzy to think about it. 2 hours to go. Help me.

all these pictures falling down around me...

Had a boring meeting this evening about the opening of the bedrooms with the council management people, or something like that. Anyway, a date has finally been agreed about the opening of the hotel side of the business, so things are looking good. Hopefully we can now get our arses properly in gear to get it sorted! I've started taking bookings today and things are looking good, got my booking system all set up, now I just need to train my staf... and one in particular, who isn't to great at that sort of thing! Exciting times.

Last night my dog bit me under the arm/shoulder area and bruised me quite badly. This morning I couldn't and still can't move my wrist properly, I can't hold my hand flat with the palm facing up, which means no waitressing for me for a while. I suspect the injury is related to the shoulder one, probably a damaged nerve. I hope it won't be like this for too long, I need the tips :[


I just tried to pay my mom rent and she told me how much I've paid so far haha. Wow I owe her a lot!! Though she also said she's saving it all up to give back to me when I go travelling, or she's going to buy us a week or so in a really nice beach hut or something in Goa, or a place similar. Woot. I don't know if I should accept or not.. I'd like to but I feel bad! Ah well... beach... mmmm....

apathetic

it astonishes me sometimes how quickly i give up on things. this week i have pretty much drank every day, i've done very little in the creative world except my blanket, i have gone to bed late and woken up late, i have not written my blog every day.

fail.

right now i could pretend i was leaving to do some soul searching or serious thinking about something. but really, im going to finish my wine, watch tv and crochet.

epic fail.

I’m just a stupid fuck, with brilliant luck

I feel like I haven't left work since Friday afternoon. I did my shift there, then came home to sleep before going back to volunteer from 10.30 - 4 on sat to paint the walls in the stairwell, returned at 6pm for the evening shift, left at 12 after the most hectic fuckign evening ever. nothing was prepped, i was the only person out front, we were atleast one staff member down which, because of the lack of prep, was ridiculous, and it was just damn annoying. david spent his saturday morning and late afternoon CLEANING the fucking place when what needed to be done was COOKING. ffs, cleaning can be done on a quite night, not when i have a full restaurant and no fucking staff!!! ugh.

okay, vented.

except this morning i turned up at 10.30 to do 3 trays of cutlery and make pretty much everything that we have on the arsing menu. but i couldn't, because i had customers. so despite not having too many to normally be rushed, i was. there was too much to be made and no one to help in the kitchen and do KP. so yes, left at 5.45 tonight.

so i have spent about 3 hours of my awake life at home and trying to relax since 4pm on friday. which is not somethign i like to do. i enjoy my at-home time, doing fuck all and relaxing. it's what makes my day. so now i am exhausted, i did my kneee in last night due to slipping on the floor after two flooded sinks, and everthing aches from not stopping.

im sorry this is such a shitty, moany post, but i am not feeling much like anything else right now... though i did just get two rounds of my blanket done, WHICH is taking forever as it gets bigger, but now its actually big enough to do something wiht, woot!!

also i have a girl coming in to see about a job tomororow, PLEASE LET HER BE GOOD!!!

oh jim left the casino with £215 last night after going in with £50, woot! well done my love :] xxxxx

my head speaks a language I don't understand

I actually hate being busy. I can't cope with always having something hanging over me that's been organised. Like yesterday, I had work in the day and was expecting Aimee to come in at 4 to take over as I was the only person in the building at that point. David was out in a meeting til 4.30, when I really needed to be gone by. But Aimee was running late, and texted David, not me, so I didn't know. So I had to stay at work til 4.30 when David got back, and then rush home to shower and eat and get ready to leave for college at 5.30. I hate being rushed. It sucks. So when I got home at 9.30 it felt like I'd been going non-stop all day, just because I was forced to rush between the two parts.

And today I decided to go shopping for the afternoon, and be in work at 4.30. This would have been okay if I hadn't needed to go into work to pick up some money. And because I was there, David managed to find a job that just HAD to be done at that exact moment. Which meant I was late getting into town and then had to rush to shower and eat and get ready for work in time for 4.30. So now I feel like I've been rushed again.

Now, tomorrow morning I have been volunteered to paint the bedrooms at work. I have no idea how long this is going to take, but after doing that I have to work in the evening, from about 5 or 6. And for once tomorrow night we are busy. So this means I am going to be worrying all day that I'll only have an hour or so to shower and eat again ready for work in the evening. Also, we don't know if Stewart can come in in the day to cook, because he broke his hand a couple days ago and said Saturday would be when he's back, but now his phone's off so no one knows if he will or not. And if he's not, I'll get dragged into cold partie/waitressing in the day, scattered between painting bouts.

I very much dislike having a full day. I need my time at home to relax, not to be worrying about the next thing. Bleh.

This has been a really shit post but it's annoying me lol. I'm shattered now so going to watch me some Neighbours and Gordon Ramsay and do me muh blanket so I can FINALLY have my down time :]

you're to blame for all the life that you're losing

Ugh well today has not been too bad in itself, but I am not feeling totally grand. This morning I had a meeting with a woman about booking systems which turned into her talking to me about all aspects of hotel life as if i don't have a degree/haven't worked in hotels and restaurants for years/decided that morning to open a hotel rather than having been thinking about it for years. So that was annoying, but kind of helpful too, she did come up with some good points.

I spent the afternoon sleeping and occasionally being jumped on by a small furry animal :] then went into work for another evening with David, which again wasn't too bad. I really need to stop snapping at him and then we can actually have a good nights work lol.

My cold is still sucking, but the rest I got all afternoon seems to have helped. Sadly I can't do the same tomorrow as I have to be in work all day and then I have 3 hours of college in the evening, so I'm sure I'll be taking most of Friday to relax and recover again but we'll see how things pan out. Hopefully tomorrow won't be too hard and I won't feel too ill.

I am volunteering at work on Saturday morning to get the bedrooms painted n stuff so that should be good, i like the sound of "final coat". It's about bloody time!!

what she say?

Ugh. My nose is so sore it's not even funny. I am going to be like Rudolf by tomorrow. Hawt.

I have gotten most of the things I wanted to get done done, I only have 1.5 more rounds of my blanket to go so I shall try and get those done now :]

My chef decided to break his hand last night so I turned up to work today to be told that David would be cheffing for the next however long, which I can't say entirely thrilled me. I spend enough time with that man as it is and we don't get on too well for long periods of time lol. Surprisingly tonight was good though, we didn't argue once!! I enjoyed it. We shall have to wait and see how long it lasts though! As long as things keep on progressing with the bedrooms then I suspect we may be able to stay like this, I do like progress.

Other than that, I have nothing more to say. I am tired so I'm gonna relax a while and get an early night before my meeting tomorrow.

OH yes there is one more thing. Next week I'm going to be stabbed with scary needles and infected with diseases. Someone come hold my hand :[ Needles are mean.

here is my new disposition

Man I am exhausted. I went swimming tonight, swam 450m in total which isn't that much, but then I don't do any activity that uses my upper arms normally so they are feeling all weak now lol. Definately something I need to do more often!

I think I am going to have a busy day tomorrow so I'll put down here what I want to get done and we shall see how it goes! It won't be so hard as long as I properly crack down. So...

Five pages of my NZ sketchbook - DONE
Go to docs appt - DONE
Remember to ask about vaccinations and vitamins for India - DONE
Phone Dark Barn for meeting, and then possibly go to that meeting - DONE
Finish writing up recipes for work - DONE
Find info on India, destinations etc., join forums - DONE
Two rounds of blanket

And then work from 6pm. What an exciting day I have ahead of me! I guess I'd better get off to sleep so I can be up before 10 to crack on!

be transparent for a while

Well as last week is finished, lets see what I got done...

I learned to crochet (woot) and am doing rather well on my blanket so that's all good.

Sadly this new hobby has meant I've done no painting but I shall see if I can work on that a bit more this week.

Went to college but have no homework yet so woot nothing to do on that side of things :]

I havent done any writing but have thought of a few ideas for things.

Have done no NZ sketchbook work as of yet.

SO basically an epic fail on last weeks activities! Looks like there's more to be done this week then :D Not such a bad thing.

And for now I must get on with my work, how exciting. Today actually turned out quite good, I have sorted out meetings with hoteliers about their booking systems, visited one, washed my car and hoovered, so go me. Now I shall work some more!

miss you less, see you more, i'd love to know you better

I am struggling to decide whether to go into work today or not. Ideally i'd like not to, but I really need to do atleast 25 hours this week, and the way things are looking I'm not likely to get that in at all. So I should, I guess. This doesn't feel like a good day, I don't have the energy to do anything :[ We'll see how things go.

Ugh. This morning is reminding me why I should not drink. I feel so dirty inside, it's horrible. What's fun about it? Maybe out with people where it's more entertaining but not at home. Ew. I feel like I need to get out and do lots of exercise to make up for it. And it's definately something that made me feel depressed. Not good.

But anyway. Wow. I can't believe how quickly all that snow vanished! Freaky. Now we're going to flood, woot. I reckon another day or two before it gets to Gloucester, though I haven't heard of floods anywhere else yet so I don't know. I don't really see why we would flood... yes it's a lot of water getting to the river at once, but the rivers have been so low because all their water has been held up in the snow that surely it's just replacing what had been lost for two weeks? It's the same volume, so the rivers should just go back to normal, no? Ah well. We shall see...

So the snow has gone, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and the birds are singing!! It seems very random, it's such a change from last week (which I loved) and now things are just... wet. Which I don't love so much, but it's still looking beautiful out there. I think I'll take Barney out to the Forest for a wander this afternoon, it would help us both.

Crocheting is getting there, going to attach my smaller squares today so we'll see how that goes!

Catch ya later :]

swiss army romance

Sleep with all the lights on.
You're not so happy.
You're not secure.
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
You're just like everyone.

And that face you paint
is pressed impressing most of us
as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.

College night will draw the crowds.
Dorms unload & your heading out.
Here is your moment to shine.

Making up a history.
It's nothing from the life you lead
but man, will they buy all your lines.

Sleep with all the sheets off
bearing your mattress
bearing your soul.

And you're dying to look smooth with your tattoos
but you're searching just like everyone
could be anyone.

And the friends that you have are the best
impressing most of us
as permanent
and I'd like to see you undone.

Youth's the most unfaithful mistress.
Still we forge ahead to miss her.
Rushing our moment to shine.

Making up a history,
It's nothing from the life you lead
but man will they buy all your lines.

We're not twenty-one,
but the sooner we are,
the sooner the fun will begin,
so get out your fake eyelashes, and fake i.d's,
& real disasters ensue,

it's cool to take these chances.
It's cool to fake romances

& grow up fast.

you and i should get away for a while

Tonight I went out to the rene to see a bunch of friends that I haven't really seen since school. I had a good night, it's nice to see people who you don't see for ages. My friend Jase was there and I literally haven't seen him in about 6 years, yet things were exactly the same as before. Except apparently I am more feminine now. Lucky me :D I accidentally whalloped Guy in the bollocks too. I say accidentally. I was aiming for there, just not as hard :[ But I gave him 20p to make up for it! Haha im not sure he really appreciated that though.. oh well! They had a battle of the bands on and frankly they sucked. Well, the first one I saw did. The second I liked. But I left after that, didn't get to see Voss play :[ Which is fine cuz I don't even like him anymore haha. Mean.



I have spent all of today crocheting my blanket and this is what I have come up with so far:





I have tomorrow off til 6 so I shall be doing much more then!

every animal will find itself a home, and every man and woman will all just lose control

I am never again going to work without checking there is something to do there first!! BORING.

I had my first session of my Dreamweaver course tonight. It's slightly boring and very simple at the moment. Tasha and I had messed around with it a bit before so knew all they were telling us tonight, hopefully next week will be more interesting. I wonder if we'll get homework? Ooh I must remember to download all the programmes I can get for free whilst I'm a student there. Woot.

Tonight I once again got bored of the crocheting I was doing, as it mostly looked like knitting. Half double stitch = boring. So I decided to give something else a go, that looks much more like I've learned some skill haha. Except I have clearly learned nothing and had to ask Ally for some help, cuz she is frankly amazing. So on cam from Canada to England, I learned my granny square!! Thanks go to Ally for pointing me in the right direction (plus it's her fault I'm even venturing into the world of wool!). My mother showed me a blanket her grandmother had made in like 1890-something, or some time around there, and it's awesome. Now I have plans. Good plans. And, as usual, no time to complete them in. Though I think another day off work is in the cards. Yum.

Off to bed now to ease my aching back. I need to find something comfy to sit on. I'm dying here.

OH one more thing, someone please remind me to go to Tae Kwon-Do on Sunday please thanks.

Bye!!

too little, too late.

I decided to take the day off today to get things done at home. Things didn't work out quite like that. I have just finished watching 7 episodes of Without A Trace whilst working on the Afghan I decided to make (oh yeah, i spent my morning wool shopping...). I have so far made three squares. Thats right, three whole squares in 7 hours. This is going to be a long-ass project. Plus I currently only have two different colors of wool so I guess there's more shopping on the cards for me :] Oh well. Only 5 more purple and 6 more green to go with what I've got *rolls eyes*. I think it's bed time for me. Ooh I could finish my book. Good times. I do like my days in, no matter how geeky I may be <3

ecclesiastes 3

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

in the middle of a gun fight

Okay. So this morning (after my expensive visit to the dentist which involved 3 x-rays and an interesting insight into the world of my nerveless front tooth), I bought myself a crochet hook. And since my return from work and walking le puppy, I have been trying to bloody learn. But it's hard work. The instructions on Lion Brand are just darned confusing and so now I am on to youtube videos. So we shall see how this goes. I want to make some nice things for people but at this rate we shall see nothing but a naffed up ball of wool. Bring it on.

Note to self: Make damn doctors appointment, you lazy cow.

duck breasts in a red wine sauce. yum.

4 x 250g - 300g duck breasts, skin on
125ml beef stock
125ml red wine
1 tsp tomato puree
1 tsp lemon juice
15g butter
salt n pepper
5 sliced garlic cloves
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp chopped rosemary

make the marinade: in a bowl, mix the garlic, balsamic and rosemary. score the duck breasts on the skin side, rub in marinade and leave in fridge for 30 mins.

put the duck breasts, skin side down, with the marinade in a frying pan and cook for 5 - 7 mins. turn and cook for 5 more mins. remove from pan and keep warm.

spoon excess fat from frying pan. add the stock and wine and bring to a boil. cook over a high heat until reduced to a dark glaze, then add tomato puree and lemon juice.

remove from heat, whisk in the butter, letting it thicken the sauce as it melts. season.

slice the duck breasts, and arrange on warmed serving plates. spoon the sauce around the duck, sprinkle with chopped rosemary, munch.

i'd hate to say 'i told you so'...

My head is telling me to expect a storm. I can't wait. Pain-free, yum.

Well after checking out Ally's blog I am going to also do an assessment of my first week of 2010:

I have gone to bed before midnight on 5 out of 7 nights, which is no bad thing. Haven't been getting up much earlier, but I like to think I've been so deprived of sleep that I'm just making up for it ;]

I have broken my promise to not drink for January by enjoying a bottle of wine last night. However, it has made me more determined to not have any more, so we shall see how that goes.

I have managed to write a blog every day. Not that they've been very interesting, but it's done :]

I have been active in my photography and/or painting on all days. I'll try and find my camera in a mo and add some pictures to my blog...

I think that's all I'd really planned for last week. I think next week will be busier at work due to us actually being open, so I doubt I'll get much done, but we shall see. Tomorrow I need to go in early because I had to leave early this afternoon due to my absolute banging headache which made my eyes water and made me want to vomit from pure pain. Ouch. However I found a way of fixing said pain by... SKIING!! My brother picked me up from work with his ski boots and we went skiing down by the woods. He played my horse and pulled me all the way home (negotiating a style in ski's is... interesting...) and then we skied down the road for a couple runs. Never thought I'd be able to ski in my own village... definate ownage :D.

So yes. Things that I would like to do next week include:

More painting.
Learn to crochet (another desire I've got from Ally... damn you for making my life busier! :P x)
I start my Dreamweaver course on Thursday night now that the college is finally open (losers, can't even manage anything with a tiny bit of snow on the roads...) so I shall endeavour to do well on that and learn as much as I can.
Maybe write some stuff.
Complete at least one page a day in my NZ sketchbooks.

That's all for now... I need to rest my poor sick noggin...

hey there, it's good to see you again

It's been weird spending so much time with my family recently. We get on really well, I think. Obviously we all have our arguments, and I have been seriously grumpy over the last few days, presumably due to a lack of drink and sleep and getting ill. Hopefully I shall improve my attitude soon. I want to, but things just make me angry quickly at the moment :[ But anyway... we are all getting on rather well other than that, and it's kind of surprised me. I guess because we're all good with having our own private time and space, but when we get together we can do it well. And having Barney for the past 6 months has brought us together more because we now do more things together: taking him for walks; all going to the vet together on the rare occasion that he needs to; playing with him and generally hanging out. I like how it is. We talk a lot more, and it's not even about things that really mean anything, but just being able to laugh over something stupid is great. I like that my parents are my friends. Particularly as I don't seem to have enough time to see my other friends. Life is strange at the moment.

blown a hole right through my dream

I think I am getting a cold, which is really something I could do with avoiding. Despite the fact that I have enjoyed a few days off to play in the snow, I really do need to get back to work and start earning enough to pay for my travels again. £488.33 a month is not going to come from nowhere :[ If anyone wishes to donate, I'm willing to accept :] Shameless, I know. Sometimes we have to be.

I am currently working on three pieces of art work, which I shall put pictures up of shortly. They are obviously still works in progress though so don't wait too anxiously. Not that you would anyway, considering I can't paint :]

My nose hurts. I'd much rather it hurt because I'd done something to it, rather than a germ has decided it likes me for a host.

Anyone know where I can learn Hindi for free/cheap?

all i can taste is this moment

When I was in year 8 or 9, we were asked in Drama to bring in a song that meant something to us, or that reminded us of something. I had no idea what to bring in. I hadn't entirely decided on which music I really liked at that point, and certainly had none that instilled some kind of deja vu or stunning memory. I think I took in a Queen song. I don't remember which. I made up some story about singing it with friends at parties and it being the best thing ever lol. And yet, now, I have so many songs that mean so much to me - they remind me of a certain moment in my life, how I felt and the fun I had. They remind me of friends and family, thoughts and feelings. They make me feel sad or happy, and they take me back to a certain place that I may or may not ever want to go to again, but it's all a part of my past and these songs help to make me who I am.

I really need to finalise designs for my tattoo.

it's like the best dream to have, where everything is not so bad

Well you will no doubt be pleased to know that I went with the alcohol-free lager option. How exciting. Thinking of doing some painting but really don't have many good ideas at the moment... I have lots of little things running through my head but nothing I can really put onto canvas, it's all so disjointed. I'm thinking black right now. So I'll start on that and see how things go. I wonder if I actually have any canvasses around... hmm. I guess finding that out would be a good first step.

i took a walk for the very first time on the dark side of the dancefloor

I took today off work because I didnt exactly expect us to be busy, and frankly.. it was snowing. I also have tomorrow off because we're shut, woot. So I have basically spent the whole day taking the dog for walks in the snow and taking photos, and sitting around doing not an awful lot. But now I am absolutely exhausted, and want a drink. I don't know whether to tell myself it's fine and I can have some wine, or to just not. I mean, a couple of drinks on one night is fine, right? As long as I don't then do the same tomorrow. But who knows. Decisions, decisions. I'd hate to let myself down, that would suck. But then I don't know if it would really matter. Who knows.

I'll never forget you...

Today is my mothers birthday. I hope she liked her presents. She got to go home early cuz they closed her school, lucky moo. AND Phil Vickery took her home. Jealous much. I guess it made her day though lol. We do like us some Phil. And despite the fact that I think it's appaling that this country grinds to a halt every time it snows a cm (though we do now have about 4 or 5 inches, so i may begin to forgive them), I did decide it safest to leave my car at work and walk home today. I was met by my mum and Barney along the path to the woods, and had the best time walking through the woods home. Kids were sledding down Monkeyback hill and the dogs were all loving it too. Barns decided it best to escape the house once we'd managed to get him back in it, and I had to go prancing through the snow to find him again. Which is certainly not something I am going to begrudge him. I love snow. It makes me feel so at home. I yearn for it even when I'm surrounding by it, and I have to say that is a truly fantastic feeling. Thank you, Arctic.

I'm waiting, patiently...

Oh something I forgot.

When the hell is Flash Forward back on TV?

And also a blog I have been checking out daily recently is:

http://theknockoneffect.wordpress.com/

It's by a girl who goes to my old high school, she is 18 as of yesterday and she has cancer. She's running a company called The Knock On Effect where you can buy T Shirts and Jewellery and stuff and all the profits go to cancer charities. She's on TV a lot and she held an art auction at school in the summer to raise money for her charities. Thought I'd share it. Sadly I missed the art auction and didn't have a chance to design anything for it, but she seems such an incredible inspiration to all of those that are ill in any way, whether it's mentally or physically. Go her.

Please stay, don’t go, I've got you now, are you curious?

Well the New Year has been interesting in relation to some decisions I have made. Interesting to me, anyway. But I shall get to that shortly.

My birthday was thoroughly enjoyable, had a good night out with friends on the Saturday, chilled out at home with the family on my birthday, then went to Kent to see Jims family and celebrate with his brother. Had a deliciously snowy journey to Devon on the Wednesday where I was supposed to be celebrating again but Jim was too hungover so we stayed in and watched naff TV after a quick drink with Rach.

Xmas was a good one, again very relaxing with the family, Pum came up to visit for a few days and my aunt, uncle and couins visited for a bit to take Barney out. Who I broke on Christmas Day :[ oops. The poor boy slipped on snow :[.

New Years Eve I went down to Plymouth to be with Jim, we went to a friends party which was not quite what I was expecting - I thought there was going to be a lot of people there but it was only 7 people including us. However, I had a good time and got rather sozzled. Jim and I ended up in the casino (as usual) and I smashed a full glass of wine everywhere.

Which leads me to this year...

I have decided to stop drinking for all of January at least, and possibly longer. I am sick of making a tit out of myself when I go out, doing things I regret, and feeling so damn dirty the next day. Plus the weight I've put on is seriously not attractive, and I am sick of my teeth hurting. I know, I paint such a pretty picture. But it's something I really need to work on, so I will. Also I'm thinking it will improve my sleep pattern so I will hopefully start going to bed earlier and therefore getting up earlier, which leaves more time for things like exercise and work rather than sitting around finishing off my bottle of wine. I shall also endeavour to go swimming every Monday evening and hopefully more if I can find better times to. However I have already fallen down on this one - going out in minus 4 degrees with wet hair and wet skin is not my idea of fun for an evening. I guess I'll have to figure something else out to do.

I have to say it's interesting how much money I already have from doing this. Not wasting money on drink has already left me with a lot of cash I wouldn't have had otherwise, which is going straight in my travelling pot. I am desperate for money to go away, and need to save every penny I get. So really this can not be a bad thing at all, no? :] Good times.

I think I've written enough for today! My poor fingers won't be able to cope with all the typing (despite the fact that it seems to be all they're good for).

Later
x

(I'm hungry. I want chocolate. Damn this money saving lark.)