God, the world outside looks beautiful. And I am stuck inside being a lazy fucker. Something is very, very wrong. Bring on tomorrow, and a shiny new day!

i wanna be weightless, cuz that would be enough.

I haven't written in here for ages because I've been finding things really hard to do lately. I think it's probably to do with my drinking again, to which end I have decided to stop as of tonight. But I've been feeling so lathargic. I don't think I've smiled of my own accord in weeks. I had an awful fight with my boss last Wednesday and now I'm feeling paranoid and dreading going into work every day. It's no way to be living :[ I have been feeling tired and grumpy, and entirely disinterested in anything, from getting out of bed in the mornings to then moving from my room for any kind of activity at all.

I'm trying to change things, but when I already don't want to do anything... it's probably not going to go too well.

However, this weekend I am going to see Jim in Plymouth and we're going to be going to the Barbican for the Jazz and Blues Festival, and hopefully drive out to the beaches or up to the moors, which I am really looking forward to. I think this could be the beginning of me smiling again. And next weekend I start a new job, which I am very much looking forward to. It's from 11.30am to 8pm Tues, Weds, Thurs and Sat, which means I'll be getting all the hours I need to do in those four days, so anything extra I may do at The Wharf House will be extra money in my pocket. Though I am planning on keeping Sun and Mon to myself. Maybe I could plan my Fridays really carefully to include a bike ride, college work, some work at TWH, crafts and writing. I think it could be done. But let's see how the first couple of weeks go first...

i would say it was your best line... ever

Our trip to London was an epic fail. On our first day there my mom wasn't feeling too great, so we got to the hotel and had a little sleep to get some energy and then made our way on the train to the Thames Barrier. We walked 4.5 miles to the Cutty Sark and then got the train to London Bridge and walked over to Tower Bridge for some dinner, except she only had a slice of pizza and like 10 chips cuz of feeling so bad :[ We made our way back to the hotel (via a random journey due to the trains to St Helier being cancelled, annoying!) and went to bed early, then woke up for a leisurely stroll from Putney Bridge back to the Cutty Sark so that all of that part of things was done. Except we barely made it half way to Battersea Bridge before I started feeling REALLY dodgy in the stomach department. Had to pretend to buy something in a cafe so I could be ill in peace before rushing back across London to our hotel - after almost vomiting EVERYWHERE right outside Wimbledon station. Yum. So yes, we spent the afternoon/evening in the hotel again doing very little. Managed to make it to the pub for a lemonade at 8pm before going back to vom. Slept really badly and drove home yesterday morning in time to take Barns out for a walk as my dad had managed to get the bug too that night! Oops.

So we went to London to finish walking the Thames Path and managed to do about 7 miles or so of it. Not really what we were hoping for! I think we're going to try again but cycle it this time - atleast we could get it all done in one go then.

I am banned from going into work until Friday now so am getting all my stuff done at home. Sadly I have no motivation to do any of that, especially when I look out my window and see the first gorgeous evening in a long time. I can't believe it's still so light out! I should be out there enjoying myself, not stuck in here pretending to work and procrastinating by doing housework (atleast I'm getting something useful done whilst i procrastinate - shampooed my carpet earlier, it was revolting what came out of it).

Time to watch TV and crochet. Doing much work seems to be futile.

Love.

(P.S. Blink have announced ALL of their European tour dates today. For the UK we have... Glasgow, Aberdeen, Reading and Leeds. That is it. Like, seriously. Do they want fans? They could sell-out Wembley for a 3-day weekend. They could sell-out Cardiff, Manc, B'ham, S'hampton. This is ridiculous. RIOT!)

no more paddy's lament

This morning I was planning on having a nice calm time before work at 3. That is, until my boss collapsed and all of my colleagues had to rally around him to make sure he was alive, call the ambulance etc. Except as soon as he heard an ambulance was coming, he shot up and declared that he was fine. Make of that what you will ;] We are all in agreement with our conclusion though...

So he got told to go home, everyone's mad at him for some reason or another - either because he seems to have faked it, or because he always refuses to have time off (which we'd love to happen), or because he works himself to illness and then leaves us all fucked up. So now I have to sleep at work tonight. I was expecting to have about 3 or 4 hours before evening service to do my office work before I go away tomorrow, but I ended up having to help everyone with kitchen work which totally ate into that time. I was expecting to have Tasha in to work tonight but she really doesn't want to because she's so mad at David for many reasons and is having a shit time at home at the moment. I am sad that she's feeling like this, I really am, but if you say you're going to work then you need to leave those issues behind and do it, you can't just decide not to turn up. Particularly when we're already so understaffed. If she didn't come in it would have been just me and Stew working, and it being a Saturday night that won't work, plus I still have all my office stuff to do.

So now I'm left feeling really guilty for making Tasha come back in to work cuz I know it's not fair and she's feeling really bad, but I don't have another choice, no one can do it. And she had most of the day off even though she's meant to be in all day. So she's come back and I am SO greatful to her, I really am. I hope the things I had to say to encourage her and make her realise she's really needed didn't go too far, but there's little I can do in this situaiton. So I'm going to do office work, she'll be downstairs and then if I'm needed I'm here. Otherwise I'd have no one to help if I needed an extra pair of hands, and I wouldn't be able to get my office stuff done. Argh, it's all so hectic. I am sick of the drama!!

On another note, I think I've broken my pinkie toe, which is really not a good plan considering I am going to London to walk 30 miles of the Thames over the next 3 days. Oops. We'll set up a toe-watch and see how thing's go ;]

Time to chill out a bit whilst getting some work done. Woot.

Do you wanna run away together?

This week has not been grand to say the least, but I think things are improving. I've been suffering from such an absolute lack of motivation and it seems to have made everything worse. However, I have also had time to reflect on the things I've been doing over the last few weeks and think about where I've gone wrong and ways to improve, so all is not bad. Last night I went out to the Rene as it was their 7th birthday. FINALLY got to see Andy and Chrissy's new house which is SO LUSH! I need to move out again! Then we went to ze pub and had a great night, it was so good to see my friends again after months of too much working and hiding away in my room! Saw Guy out too and had a good chat with him so yeah I'm feeling good. When I got home I called my boss to ask about where my wages are which were promised to me yesterday. Apparently I'm now getting them on Tuesday, grr. But we had a chat for an hour and a half and I think we've sorted a lot of things out, or atleast feel like we're going to.
I had such a hangover this morning, which resulted in my 'enjoying' breakfast twice. Ew. Took Barns for a walk which really helped to clear my head and make me feel a bit better, I always like being outside and cold when I'm ill/hanging so that was really good. Went into work at 3pm feeling morally crappy though, just like I didn't wanna be there or do anything etc but things got better, my colleagues are so great they always make me feel good :] Talked to David about the work I've been doing over the last couple of days, he's pleased with how I'm planning to do things and has given me a few pointers in what to do and where to go with it all so now I have a proper plan and list of things to do I feel better about things, like there actually IS a point in my getting out of bed in the morning. So things have gotten better :]
I haven't been sleeping well either which has meant I've been getting up at 11am feeling like I still need 4 more hours sleep, and then having a nap in the afternoon/evening which probably ruined things for that night even more, but now I am shattered and it's not even midnight so I'm going to watch some TV, do some crocheting and then go to bed early in the hope of starting the weekend in a good way!

Rock on London on Sunday :D

(Oh yeah, got my Blink tickets, woot!! Thanks to my oh-so-amazing mum :D Love her!! Reading Festival together, can't wait haha)

Night people!

I'm obsessed with the mess...

Well I didn't get too far in the things I was going to do when I last wrote on here, but nevermind. I found a crochet pattern for a cardigan I liked and have been working on it for 3 days now but am only at row 2! Things keep going wrong! The first time I did it for 4 hours and then realise it wasn't wide enough, last night I realised it was all wonky and just nicht gut, and I am about to recommence work on it again. I WILL do this!!

Stayed at work last night and it sucked. I couldn't get to sleep and don't think my brain turned off at all, and then the guy there was on his own on a business trip and wanted to talk to me all the time. And I don't like talking. Especially not to people I will never talk to again - what's the point? So I was bored and annoyed and wanted to be in bed! Dammit. I wonder how much I'll get paid for that...

On Sunday 14th I planted 12 chilli seeds. They're called Prarie Fire chilli's and are quite hot, but they're windowsill ones so hopefully they'll be really easy to look after and will look pretty :D Yesterday before work I had 4 sprouting and I came back home today to see 6 of them out! Woot. Chilli's are really hard to grow as most of the seeds are duds so I'm really happy about that. Now I need to nurture them just right and we shall rock on with the spicy cooking!

Mmm speaking of spicy cooking, I'm off out for Thai tomorrow with my parents. Yum yum.

There is no fate, but what we make for ourselves

i am DOING THINGS! probably because I have spent hardly any time at work lately. Or atleast, I've been leaving early. But starting early. So it all works out. Anyway...

Today I finished at 1.30 so came home and tidied. Not that it looks much like it, but I did! My desk has been repaired after my accidentally destroying it the other night whilst looking for my ring, my bedroom has been dusted and tidied and had things that shouldn't be here removed, I have reorganised my cd racks (finally!) and hung two pictures. Now I don't know what to dooo!

Possibly going to walk down to the shop for some wine and snacks, do a couple pages of my last nz sketchbook, and MAYBE paint, but I don't know how time will go. I also want to start on a crocheted cardigan at some point so maybe that'll take place of the painting instead.

We'll see how things go :]