have you seen me lately?

omg. what a shitty day. days that start early are always shitty, why dont i remember this?! got driven mad at work, basically had my jobs stolen from me so i had to spend forever trying to fucking make jobs up that i could do. how retarded. and yet the person that took over had shit loads to do elsewhere too!! fucking fuck. GHEY. Now im shattered because i went to bed late and woke up early and I'm still in a grumpy mood. i want to do some painting, i bought two canvases today, but it seems like such an effort.. i dont know what i want :[

i thought someone would notice...

Last nights dream - Jim and I got back from travelling and had to go back to our own parents houses, so I didn't see him for a while. Two days after we got back I got a message saying that something big had happened and he'd changed his mind about something. Then the next message said he'd won a million quid!! Woot. Never did work out what he'd changed his mind about, but I know I did think he was about to dump me. Anyway, turns out it was actually only £740,000, but we only got £400,000 cuz of the tax. But yay!! Good times... hopefully it turns out true ;] Random fact - Hitler invented the motorway.

the girl's a straight-up hustler

Afternoooooon,Jim has today and tomorrow off work so I suspect I shall be called at a silly time tonight due to his drunkenness and gambling. He's off out with PJ, and Jim better bloody not borrow any money off him! Heh I was just bad and text PJ not to lend him some... wonder how that will go down, but Jim did say he didn't want to last time we were out, so who knows...Was meant to be working in the restaurant tonight, but in the last three days our bookings have gone down from 30 people to none... so I guess I'll hang around in the office a bit more, probably only til about 8pm... woot, 3.45 hours to go! This shopping list is taking forever, I have to check like 5 shops for each item to see if I can get it cheaper elsewhere, grr!! I'm thinking I need to buy more gig tickets some time soon, but my credit card bill is so high right now because I'm owed so much money, oops.. oh well. ***Note to self - get £101.50 off B*** I am loving me some All Time Low right now. I love that I'm just sat in the office alone with my music on loud, good times. Not that I'd turn it down if anyone else was in here anyway lol. Meanie.I'm thinking I need to be nicer to people and less selfish, and to this end I gave David half of my chip sticks today, and may well share my pizza too if I'm feeling really generous. Assuming there's no argument over tips today! Though I guess we'd need to have customers for that to happen ;]Sorry there's nothing interesting in here - though no one reads it yet anyway so woot it doesn't matter!Later

HmmmWell last night i went out for drinks with anna and had a really good time, it was good to catch up again. We just pretty much carried on the same conversation we were having 6 months ago. Can't believe we haven't met up in that long! Mental. That's what being over-worked and getting swine flu does to ya i guess. Oh well. I think I got too drunk tho, woke up with a bowl next to my bed this morning so I'm pretty much assuming I did! Took Barney for a walk; every time I do I feel like I may get shot by some random sniper in the woods, or mugged by a pikie, it's weird. I seem to be spending all of my time now wondering about all of the work I need to do, so it's kinda odd.. I've gone from feeling like work is really boring and I'm struggling to find jobs and getting up to actually go there to having SO much to do that there's literally no choice as to whether I'm going to get up; if I don't then there's so many things that I have been working towards that won't happen at all, and it could prove to be a major turning point in my career - assuming I put the effort in and grab the chance whilst I can. Good times.Nothing new for tomorrow - work followed by work. Will someone please buy me petrol?Note to self - send bloody student loans letter off before I get fined. Buy Jim's xmas present. Sort out exactly what to do for my birthday.Done.

pure hearts stumble

I dreamed I let my mom down in a real bad way, and I can't stop feeling guilty.Pants. David didn't turn up to work today; he was sleeping. I had to go in and discuss the changing of locks with my brother, because no one else was there to do it. I don't know if David's there yet but he'd better be, else there will be some hungry and annoyed customers hanging around. Time to take the dog for a walk, then back to work for some money earning. Big love. x.

How's it going to be?

realised tonight that I totally have far too many livejournal accounts - one for songs and lines i thought pertinent, one for uni, one for new zealand etc. Maybe i'll make this my usual one now. Assuming I can make it look good, or can be arsed to actually update it ;] I have lost my motivation completely recently, getting out of bed in the morning has become such an effort and it's something i hate, but it just feels so hard to do sometimes. Constrasting to this, when I get to work I feel really up for doing things and for staying there til it's all done; at least for the last 2 days i have, and that seems to be a lifetime right now. I also have LOADS of ideas for artwork running around my head, and I'm finding inspiration in so many places, but again there seems to be no time, and i know it's because i completely waste my time doing nothing, but i really enjoy doing nothing and mooching around for a couple of hours a day. it's so hard to make myself actually DO something. and yet i'm really excited about starting some of my ideas and working on them. though the lack of money isn't helping - i need to buy canvases and paints etc - but then of course if i went to work more i'd have more money to pay for these things. oh, the circle of life bites itself in the ass sometimes, i swear. went to a carol thing at gloucester cathedral tonight with my mum, first time ive been to a proper event there i think, it was well good. some girl from newent has a freaking awesome voice, made the hairs stand up on my arms - so beautiful. the choirs did really well too, i was impressed, as i was with the orchestra. was a good night, and enjoyed the nose around the cathedral at dark after too, it's interesting when i've only seen it in the day time before. i'm hoping to go to the carol service on december 24th that's held there, i think it will be really interesting to hear a proper choir utilising the acoustics like they're used to, exciting. i've started reading The Men Who Stare At Goats, and so far i'm not drawn in, but we shall see.. could be an interesting read followed by a nose at the film, though the films always suck after books. Looking forward to the comparison tho. Also loving Third Eye Blind right now - it's taken me about 10 years to finally listen to them, and I am regretting the years I have missed out on - awesome. They get me through the working day, with John Meyer and Something Corporate (another band i've missed out on for years, weird.) Oh well, bed time now I suppose - though I suspect I may well hang around for another few hours as normal - it would be nice to be on a regular sleeping pattern for once. Night!